As mean as you could possibly be if you were invited to do a drama school talk

So you want to be an actor eh?

However much I tell you, however much any one tells you not to do it, you won’t listen right? And I’m not here today to extinguish your fire or tell you to leave the course. But I want to bring you down to earth. Let’s face it - none of us listened before, why would you listen to me? And trust me, people tried. Of course, you want to act. Of course you do! What a brilliant way to spend your life. The people mainly. Actors have saved me, over and over again. And the actual work? Exhilarating. It’s  the thrill right. You’ve all felt it, I assume. It’s worth it right? So you want a thrill? You want a thrilling life? That’s what you really want? Or is it that you want to be loved? Why’s that then? I say it as a joke. It is sort of a joke. Or maybe you want to sit at the bottom of the pegging order for the rest of your life. Maybe you want to be dispensable. Maybe you want to be one of thousands and thousands of actors who carry on trying and emailing and filming and dieting and smiling, excruciating smiles in rooms full of people who have just chosen to be on the other side of the table, they haven’t worked their way up there. They are just doing a different job. So why are there more of us? Why are there so many of us? What did we collectively go through as children to make us want to be remarked upon, seen, seen and then applauded, seen and then critiqued. Do we want honest feedback? Is that what it is? Maybe nobody has really summed you up. Maybe you want a strapline. Maybe it’s not love you want. Maybe it’s allure. Maybe you want to be mysterious, maybe you want people to want you, crave you, fantasise about you and do all of that while you stand exposed on a stage. Stand exposed for everyone to point and laugh, because your timing of someone else’s words was so spot on. Congratulations by the way. You’ve got great comic timing. You’ll make your name in this production. You’re my favourite. You have something. You have something different. You are different. You are so different that you won’t be cast in most things. But when you do, it’ll be worth it. It will be artistry. And the pints poured and the coffees made and the babies cradled and the miles peddled and the till’s counted will be worth it. Because you’re an artist right? You are an artist, just like Picasso, just like Ali Smith, just like Grayson Perry, just like Madonna. You are a vessel for thoughts and feelings and the human experience. You are a vessel. You are empty so that you can be full. You are easy and flexible and dispensable and optimistic so that you can be an artist. You are an artist. You are an athlete. You are an inspiration. You are incredible. So why exactly do you want to be an actor?